Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
