Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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