I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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