so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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