love makes seman taste better
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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