Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Soap is not a condiment
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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