yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
