ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize