I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
