hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
