I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize