he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
