There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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