Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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