he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
