Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
