Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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