i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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