Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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