last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
