my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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