Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
