They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
