Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
