4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
