LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
