You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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