people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
