sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize