we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
