apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
