9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
