Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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