if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize