i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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