I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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