dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
