omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
