We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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