stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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