my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
