please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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