No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
