I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
