Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
