it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
