nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
