They should really pass out barf bags in church
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
