I seem to have left my pride at pride
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
