Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
