At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
