I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
