so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
