So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
