Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Alive.
So much puke
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
