Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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