my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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