i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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