I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
