Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
