At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
