Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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