I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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