you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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