I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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