What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
