I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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