u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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