Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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