Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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