Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
