You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just pee around me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
