Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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