It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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