I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
