If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
