I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
