Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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