Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
