Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
