good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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