Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bring me that man meat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
