First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
