Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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