you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
