So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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