Yo dont text me then not text me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
