is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
