One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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