I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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