she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Damn victory sex feels great
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
