how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
