He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
