I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
