We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize