Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
