then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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