I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
