If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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