Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
