look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
