i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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