is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
where am i from again
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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