I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
