is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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