this just has baby written all over it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
