why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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