the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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