It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
