Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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