i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
